To My Gun Loving Friends

I know this is a touchy subject because I have friends on both sides of the issue.  That makes me want to approach it gently as to not offend the people whose opinions may be different than mine.  However, some things can’t be approached gently.  So, to my gun loving friends I have some questions.  I was hoping you could help me to navigate through some parts of the conversation that I just can’t understand.

Let me start by explaining a bit about my history with guns.  In my house growing up, we didn’t hunt and neither of my parents ever carried one around for protection.  I was never afraid of guns, I just wasn’t around them all that often.  As I’ve grown older, I have been around and shot multiple guns on multiple occasions.  I’ve shot at clay pigeons (and missed of course), shot at cans, and trees.  I’ve been around them because one of my parents took up law enforcement later in life, so now when I go home there are guns in the house.  Not to mention, at least one of those parents now cary on a regular basis.  I’ve also been around them because some of my closest friends and relatives’ favorite time of the year is dear season.  Those things are normal to me.  None of it bothers me.

But here’s what I don’t understand…

Why?  Why are you so afraid to admit that there needs to be some kind of reform regarding gun laws?  Why does the mention of bills on gun regulations make your skin crawl so badly?  Why are you opposed to opening the door for discussion about whether or not we can find a way to make the buying process safer?  Why is your first argument that “guns don’t kill people, people kill people”?  If that’s the case, why are you afraid to regulate what PEOPLE do or don’t have access to by implementing stricter policies?  Why are you okay with the fact that people, important people, just keep saying “there’s nothing we can do about it” every time major shootings take place?  Why when tragedies happen is your first response to defend gun rights before you even take a moment to consider the damage that was done?

I know not all of you fall into all of these categories, but what I fear is that most of you fall into some of them.  Please, help me understand because after days like yesterday, I don’t see any good reason to be afraid of reform.  I just see a growing reason to be afraid that I keep hearing “there’s nothing we can do about it”.

Is it about protecting yourself or your family?  Because if so, I understand that concern.  Guns are scary and the only thing that might stop another person with a gun, is a person with a gun.  So, if your house is being broken into and the other person is armed, 99% of the time, a person is going to wish they too were armed.  What doesn’t make sense about this argument though is that I keep reading that in the deadliest shooting in American history there were multiple people with conceal and carry present, and yet nothing could be done.  From what I’ve read, the shooter wasn’t located for over an hour after the first shot rang.  All of the people with guns strapped to their wastes, they couldn’t stop him.  They couldn’t prevent him from killing or harming more innocent people.

Is it because “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people!“?  Look, I’m not even opposed to my own husband having a gun.  If he did though, he would keep it locked in a gun case so that my 4 year old could not just “stumble upon” a loaded weapon.  If he did, I would hope that he would have to jump through hoops to gain access to such a deadly weapon.  And if he did, I wouldn’t be upset about him having stricter guidelines to follow in order to prevent guns from getting into the wrong people’s hands.  People often argue “well are we going to take away cars (also known as such a deadly weapon)?”.  I’m not saying all guns need to be taken away.  However, in order to get my license, I had to take a test and prove that I was responsible enough to get behind the wheel.  I have to have car insurance in case of an accident, and I sure as heck am not allowed to just loan my car to someone else to drive who hasn’t followed the same steps I have.  Why are guns different?  Why when I was 12 years old was I able to fire a friends weapon with no previous formal training or experience?  The only reason I can remember is because they thought it would be funny to see how I handled the kick back since I had never fired one before.

Is it because ‘Merica and Freedom!?  I know.  I know the argument regarding the 2nd Amendment.  Again, I’m not even opposed to responsible people having access to guns for hunting, protection, even sport.  What I am opposed to is you being more pro “gun rights” than you are pro “people’s right to live”.  I’m opposed to you being more worried about a conversation on how to make it safer for people to own guns than you are worried about the fact that people are dying every day because we continue to accept that “there’s nothing we can do”.  What about the freedom of the 20 elementary children and 6 adults who died at Sandy Hook?  What about the freedom of the 49 people killed last year at Pulse Night Club?  What about the freedom of the 59 people killed and the hundreds of people injured at a concert in Last Vegas this week?  I could go on and on…what about the freedom of all of those people?  What about the freedom that each of us wants to have to feel safe going out in public to enjoy a night out with friends and loved ones?  Is your freedom to ignore that conversation about “What can we do better?” more important than the freedom of those who have lost their lives?

Are you worried because even if you follow the laws, there will be those people who don’t and there’s really no way to regulate them?  I get this argument too.  I know there will always be a black market for things like guns, drugs, and weapons.  I know that if someone wanted to get a hold of a weapon, they would find a way regardless of what parameters were put in place.  I also know that as of right now they are saying that the gunman from LV had no record, no visible signs or warnings according to family, and he had “legally” obtained his weapons. These things are all true, and they are a valid part of the discussion.  I don’t personally have a perfect solution or answer to all of the questions.  What I do know though, is that I would love for there to be responsible gun owners willing to be a part of the conversation.  I would love for there to be responsible gun owners who are willing to take one more step or precaution because it might save even just one life.  I would love for you to be willing to consider that it’s time we look at the statistics to see if there is anything we can do because “doing nothing” isn’t working for us.

To my gun loving friends, why?

Why?  Why are you so afraid to admit that there needs to be some kind of reform regarding gun laws?  Why does the mention of bills on gun regulations make your skin crawl so badly?  Why are you opposed to opening the door for discussion about whether or not we can find a way to make the buying process safer?  Why is your first argument that “guns don’t kill people, people kill people”?  If that’s the case, why are you afraid to regulate what PEOPLE do or don’t have access to by implementing stricter policies?  Why are you okay with the fact that people, important people, just keep saying “there’s nothing we can do about it” every time major shootings take place?  Why when tragedies happen is your first response to defend gun rights before you even take a moment to consider the damage that was done?

Please help me understand.  Please be a part of the conversation by saying more than “gun control is non-American” or “I have rights” because right now all I can think about are the innocent people who have lost their rights because none of us can agree that this issue is important enough to work hard towards a solution.  It’s important enough to put aside our differences and recognize that something has to be done.  I think we can all agree that things like LV, Pulse, Sandy Hook, etc. are devastating.  I think we can all agree that we don’t want to see another life lost.  I think we can all, regardless of our stance on guns, admit that we can do better…we have to do better.

A Larry Sized Legacy

Late last night I received news that a beloved friend, mentor, and teacher had passed away.  I knew it was a possibility because earlier that weekend I had read online about his heart struggling and his body fighting to gain strength.  Even still, when I heard the news, so many feelings overwhelmed me.  I laid in bed, shared with my husband, and I cried.  I cry.  I cry often and I cry a lot.  Yet, I’ve never experienced what I experienced in my tears last night.

My tears for him were not sad tears.  My sad tears were for his wife who will now live without him by her side.  My sad tears were for his family and loved ones who are mourning his loss.  My sad tears were for his community that will now tell his amazing stories in third person because he is no longer here to tell them.  My sad tears, well, they were for all of us because the truth is from this point forward we will navigate this earth with one less mentor, leader, example, teacher, and friend by our sides.

My tears for him though, they were happy tears.  They were happy because anyone that knew him, knows that today he has heard the words “well done good and faithful servant”.  I know that we aren’t supposed to be the judge, but there is no doubt about the kind of man that he was.  There is no doubt about whether or not he is resting in the arms of our Savior right now.  His entire life was dedicated to living as closely to Jesus as he could.

He served for years as a missionary in Africa, years as a professor at Bible college, years as a pastor, friend, and mentor.  I could keep going and listing ways that he spent his life serving others in the name of Christ.  Yet, the legacy that he leaves behind is greater than the things he did, it’s also in the things I never saw him do.  Talking with my husband this afternoon, I cried, mumbling out one phrase after the other…

“I never saw him get angry.”

“I never heard him raise his voice.”

“I never saw him pass another individual without flashing a smile.”

“I never left his office feeling like he was too busy for me.”

“I never witnessed him be harsh with his wife.”

“I never felt like he was proud or arrogant.”

“I never heard him take credit for the work that God was doing in him.”

…After a long pause…

“If something happened to me today, what would the people who know me have to say about me?” I asked.  My husband looked up, tears in his eyes and said “I’ve been thinking about the same thing all day.”

Even though our dear friend has gone, his influence will last for generations.  The most beautiful thing is that when I think of him, I think of Jesus.  You see, it was never about him in the first place.  Not a day spent on this earth was a day wasted for the Kingdom of God.  He will leave behind a Larry Doggett sized legacy that I hope will continue to impact people, but only because he lived a God sized life.

I hope that someday, hopefully when I’m old and have lived a long and faithful life that those who know me can cry happy tears alongside their tears of sadness.  What a beautiful challenge to all of us he has left behind that we too might live a God sized life so that others will say “when I think of her, I think of Jesus.”

 

 

 

 

When Your Wedding Vows Lose Their Meaning

When my husband and I got married we were fairly young.  I was 22 and my husband was 21.  Though we had known one another for a few years, we only dated for a few short months before getting engaged, and then another few months before saying “I DO”.  Leading up to our wedding day we had many discussions about how we would handle conflict, support one another in hard times, and love one another even on the days we would wake up and decide we didn’t want to.  We spent hours in pre-marital counseling and we discussed how we were going to do things different than both sets of our parents whose marriages had ended in divorce.

Parents, If We Don’t Teach Our Kids About Sex, The World Will

I must say I debated on writing this blog for fear of what others would think.  I debated on writing this blog because I know I’m far from an expert on this topic…and I debated on writing it because my kid is only four years old and let’s face it, we haven’t yet had to have “the talk”.  All of that said, I do feel like this is a topic that NEEDS to be talked about.  As a matter of a fact, I think not talking about it is exactly the problem and because of that, I’m going to venture into some uncomfortable areas.  

Church, I Don’t Belong In The Corner #LessIsNotBest

I recently read a post by a friend.  I call her a friend because while I know her, served alongside her, and ate meals with her, we haven’t spoken in years.  All of that said, I call her friend because even in the distance, her words resonated so deeply and strongly with me.  In brief, she wrote about how over the years she has been made to feel like she was too “much” for the church.  I understood it as she spent most of her life feeling like she needed to be “less” in order to be “best”.  I read her words over and over because

When The Church Looks Like Jesus

A couple of weeks ago I shared some thoughts of mine that I was wrestling with in a blog. (You Can Read That Here) I wrote about how the church isn’t just a building that sits on Main Street and about how I think we as Christians don’t always represent the church that God initially designed. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions over the last two weeks, but in that I have learned what the church IS.

The church, it’s made up of people. It’s people who come alongside you in your brokenness and encourage you when you need it the most. The church is a person standing up firmly and loudly for what they believe is right. The church is a special text saying “I’m so sorry” and “we are praying for you and your family”. The church is the rallying of support from old friends you haven’t spoken too in long periods of time. The church is fellow leaders from other congregations expressing their disappointment and letting you know “there’s room for you here”. The church is a shoulder to cry on and a sincere “how can we help you right now?” The church is an outpouring of people telling you “your time wasn’t wasted, God used you guys and will continue to do that, don’t lose hope.” The church is the friends that say “you were created to do this, keep doing this”. The church is the phone calls, e-mails, texts, and letters that remind you that you are valuable, loved, and appreciated.  The church is the Scripture that is sent to you along with stories of change and hope.

The church is the love that you somehow feel in the midst of the heartbreak.

Guys, the church, when it functions like God created it to function is the most beautiful example of God’s love for us. We are so grateful and blessed to have been reminded what that looks like and that it exists in friendships, family, and strangers alike. The beauty and kindness that the church has offered us during a time of need has been overwhelmingly encouraging and supportive. Days like today take empty tanks and overflow them to the point of needing reserves. Days like today will be the things that keep us in ministry for years to come. Days like today will be the reason that we are able to spiritually and emotionally heal. Days like today remind me that maybe the church isn’t as broken as it sometimes appears because the church is present and active.

  
To those that make up the church, from the sincerest depths of our hearts. Thank you. You have represented Jesus in all of the ways we needed today.  

Now, let’s wake up tomorrow and do it again. Maybe then the world can see the beauty that we were able to experience today.
Isaiah 41:10

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

5 am Ponderings From A Restless Pastors’ Wife

I’ve wrestled for a while with the church. The picture Jesus paints, to me, looks very different from the building we see on each corner of Main Street throughout the Bible Belt. Don’t get me wrong, I love the church. I’ve seen the church do amazing things and it’s comforted me when I have needed it the most. However, unfortunately I’ve seen it in its ugliest form too many times to count.  

I’ve wrestled with writing this because I know it’s controversial to post negative things about “God’s house”, but I’ve had to ask myself does it truly belong to God anymore? I’m not referring to every church or a specific church or body of believers. I’m referring to the buildings that protect their name at a greater cost than protecting victims of abuse. I’m referring to the buildings that make every decision based on money rather than faith and prayer. I’m referring to the buildings that divide over the color of a chair. Doesn’t the Bible teach Unity?

Look, I get it. Often times these issues arise because people love the church so much they are willing to fight for what they think is right. But, when did we get so caught up in what we wanted that we forget to recognize what we were created to be?  See, the church that I read about in the Bible is beautiful. It’s a place for the broken, for the searching, and the sinner. It’s a place for redemption, grace, love, and mercy. It’s not just a place for the “perfectly holy”. The church that I read about in Scripture, it looks more like the cross than a jury of “believers”.  

Church, we have to do a better job. The world mocks and ridicules us because we don’t look like the picture that Jesus modeled throughout Scripture. The world mocks us because they see us more concerned with changing others than changing ourselves. They see orphans and widows with no place to go. They see pastors and leaders who’ve mastered the show. They see a group of people who are more concerned with tradition than what Jesus called us too, The Great Commission. We are not only called to “go” but also to love. To love our neighbor, to love family, to love ourselves, and yes, even our enemy.  

Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not blameless in this. Just like Judas, I’ve accepted coins for a traitorous kiss. I’ve fallen short and done all of these things, hate, anger, and apathy have won more times than I would like to admit. I don’t write this to point fingers or blame anyone, I find myself writing hoping to process what we’ve done. When we choose rules over humble morals and integrity, we have to ask ourselves, are we more like Jesus or more like a Pharisee?

Girls Will Be Girls, What’s The Big Deal?

Sleepover talk is a totally normal thing.  I don’t see why everyone makes a big deal about it.  It’s not that out of the ordinary for a group of us girls to sit around eating chocolate, painting our fingernails while watching romantic movies and talking about all things boys right?  Can we talk about how more realistically in a room full of girls, we might be looking around wondering who else fits the statistic of being the 1 in 4 who has been sexually abused?  Girls will be girls.

Oh and duh, pink.  Since girls will be girls, it’s not totally abnormal to share with our friends about where we bought our super cute pink mace keychain.  It’s just so adorable that when we carry ours, multiple friends ask where we got it so they can get one too.  Not to mention, it might actually come in use.  Girls will be girls.

Bathroom break?  Sure, let’s walk together because girls can never go to the bathroom alone.  Silly girls.  Or maybe, even though we are in a crowded area surrounded by others, we don’t feel safe walking alone.  It’s the crowd of strangers surrounding us that makes us nervous in the first place.  So, we will continue to go to the bathroom in groups. Girls will be girls.  

Have you heard about the really awesome nail polish that students from North Carolina State tried to develop?  How amazing that it changes colors and can detect date rape drugs in your drink!  What a relief to finally have something like that.  We remember seeing the video posted in 2014 by almost every other girl on our Facebook feeds.  We remember thinking, “what a relief to know technology is advancing and that this might be a thing that protects so many of us.”  Of course we continue to share videos like that on our Facebook feeds because videos like that give us hope.  Girls will be girls.

In elementary school our bra strap is snapped and we speak up to say something only to be told we are being dramatic and sensitive.  In middle school crude jokes and advances are directed at us and we speak up only to be told we are being dramatic and sensitive.  In college, the worst thing imaginable happens, but this time we remain silent because we don’t want to hear again about how it’s somehow our fault.  Man, we can be so over sensitive and dramatic at times, especially when we try and express ourselves.  Girls will be girls.

Five, this is five of hundreds of examples.  The reality though, as long as society accepts that it’s totally normal “for boys to be boys” and that “it’s harmless locker room talk”, “Girls will be girls” will continue to be a thing.

I don’t know about you, but I want better for my daughter.  I want better for my daughter’s daughter.  I want better for my niece, for my friends and sisters.  I want better for the youth group girls that we work with.  I want better for my mom and grandma.  

We have to raise the bar.  We have to stop accepting that “boys will be boys” is an acceptable excuse for boundaries being crossed.  Instead, let’s help “boys will be boys” become an acceptable term for when boundaries are respected.  

One boy makes a crude comment and another speaks up and says “hey, that’s unacceptable, we don’t talk about girls like that”…this can be “boys will be boys”.

One boy  touches a female’s bra strap inappropriately without permission and his friend calls him out and asks the girl if she is okay…this can be “boys will be boys”.

One boy sees a girl walking alone down a dark alley to her apartment.  He asks for permission to walk her to her door and make sure she gets inside safely…and then he goes home with no expectations at all…this can be “boys will be boys”.
If “boys will be boys” can change.  Maybe “girls will be girls” won’t have to exist anymore.  

Disclaimer:  This post is on no way intended to minimize that men, women and children of all ages, races, religions, and economic classes can be and have been victims of sexual assault and that Sexual assault occurs in rural areas, small towns and larger areas.  It is intended to bring attention to the issue discussed, not to distract from the other issues at hand. 

30 Days Of Thanks…with a twist.

November is just a few short weeks away. I’m counting down for a few reasons, but mostly because it means I’m closer to December, closer to Christmas which I adore. Truthfully, I love Fall in general. I love holiday seasons, family time, excuses to find new recipes, and the cool crisp air that comes with falling leaves. I like December specifically for all things red and green. For Santa jingles on the radio, colored lights, and the sweet story of the birth of Jesus. I love October for the introduction to all things pumpkin, leaves changing colors, outdoor festivals that are cool enough to wear boots, yet warm enough not to freeze. November. November I love because of Thanks

Today I Wept

I woke up this morning with no specific expectations of what my day would hold.  I thought that my day would go about as any normal Sunday typically does.  Church, lunch with family, rest in the afternoon, then church again in the evening.  I was wrong, so wrong.  Even with as few expectations as I had previously held, I could not have prepared myself for the way that my day would start.

Instead of waking and preparing breakfast for my family, I woke and was instantly reminded that we live in a world that is broken.  I opened my phone per my usual morning routine, but this time was different.  This time my heart sunk deep into my stomach and I wept.  Uncontrollably, I wept for the loss of life at the hands of one individual.  I wept and wept and wept for the 53 people who survived and are struggling to heal, both physically and mentally.  I wept for the family members and friends of these 100+ victims of violence.  Of outrageous, tragic, and unnecessary violence.

As the day has continued, my weeping has not stopped, both internally and externally.  Many questions have raced through my mind, some of which I have no answers for.  As a Christian, I can’t help but wonder what I can do right now.  I can’t help but wonder if other Christians are also wondering what they can do right now.  So while I definitely don’t have all the answers, there are a few things I feel the need to say.

To the friends and family members of those that lost their lives:  I’m truly so sorry.  I can not even for a second imagine the pain that you are feeling right now.  I can try too, but reality is that I can’t understand it because it hasn’t happened to me.  I’ve lost family members.  I’ve lost friends.  But not like this.  Not in the same way that you did.

To those that survived:  I’m truly so sorry.  You didn’t deserve to be targeted.  You didn’t deserve to be shot at or to witness the things that you had to witness.  I can not even for a second imagine the pain that you are feeling right now.  I can try too, but the reality is that I can’t understand it because it hasn’t happened to me.  I’ve been hurt before. But not like this.  Not in the same way  you were.

To my Christian brothers and sisters:  I know the questions you are wrestling with as they crossed my mind also.  I see the burdens of “how can I help” in a few posts here and there.   But mostly, I see silence.  I get it.  I do.  It’s an awkward thing to know how to help when you don’t know what to say or what you can do. I don’t have the perfect answer to “what can we do?”. But I do have a few ideas of what we could refrain from doing.

The first thing that I think we have to do is step back and acknowledge the situation for what it was.  This was a senseless act of terror towards a very specific group of people.  It is not a coincidence that it “happened to be a gay bar”.  According to reports, it was intentional, it was planned.  These people were targeted.  We have to acknowledge that.  We can’t ignore the reality of what this situation is.

Second, let’s please step back and realize that due to what happened this morning, now is not the best time to publicly argue on Facebook about whether or not this lifestyle is correct.  I understand whole heartedly the tension of speaking truth and not wavering on what the Bible says.  Speak truth,  yes, I understand that burden.  But please, speak truth in love.  I can only imagine that if Jesus were walking this earth right now, He would be the one in Orlando donating blood and hugging those who are broken.  I can only imagine that he would be speaking truth IN LOVE in such a time as this.  Love, always love.

Third, over the next couple of days and even weeks, there will be pastors who say that God did this.  It’s God’s wrath because “he’s placing judgement on these individuals”.  Please I beg you, please don’t say that to someone who is mourning right now!  Comments like that are what makes people hate the church.  Comments like that are not in love and they make God into something that He is not.  If God did this, then how do you explain Sandy Hook to parents who lost children?  If God did this, then how do you explain Columbine and Rachel Scott being shot when she was asked if she believed in Jesus?  A man, one man did this.  One man ruined probably thousands of lives by his actions.  This was not an act of God, it is a tragedy.  A terrible, terrible tragedy and act of terrorism.

As I still sit broken and confused, I have to remember that Romans tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn”.  Today, I mourn.  To a community who is broken and hurting, even though we do not see eye to eye on all things, I want you to know you do not mourn alone.